hello...

not sure how many people are on xanga anymore but I think I'm going to try to still write here once in a while. 

This past summer was a pretty good summer.  For one thing, we rarely have a family vacation other than visiting our families either in Winnipeg or Germany.  So that was pretty cool.  We had two weeks away.  The first week was spent at Frontier Lodge ( http://www.frontierlodge.ca ) where my hubby's cousin works.  The cousin's siblings came for a family reunion so we decided to go and crash the party.  I had expected a wonderful, relaxing time but uh,uh.  It's a WILDERNESS camp!  ugh!  That means a lot of physically taxing stuff.  And Josh's cousin had a full schedule planned.  The very first night came my first adventure.  We had only been there a couple of hours when he announced that we were all going for a walk around the lake.  Well, I didn't think that was a big deal but um...well...it was.  It took me double the time that it took everybody else and by the time I got back to the camp, I was WASTED!  I could barely move.  Ugh!  Then I found out that there was a trip planned the following morning.  We were all going to traverse up Hoodoo Creek.

Continuation:

OK.  Let's see...the plan was to go for a hike up Hoodoo Creek.  This is pretty much an uphill climb going over boulders and rocks. 

After we finished the walk we all hung out at Josh's cousin's trailer.  After we all dispersed and went to our own cabins, my dear hubby tells me that he thinks it would be better if I not go along on the next day's excursion.  You see, his female cousin had been walking with me around the lake and she got back to the trailer a bit before me and she had made a comment that it was the slowest walk she had ever been on in her life.  Josh automatically assumed that she was making a comment about me and how very slow I am and so he felt bad for her (oh, poor baby - having to walk slow must have been such a horrible hardship!)  And so that nobody else would have to endure such a torture, he figured it would be best for everyone if I just stayed back at the camp and sat it out.  I cannot tell you hurt I was by this.  I stewed and stewed about it all night and while sweet hubby was snoring peacefully, I didn't sleep hardly a wink that night.  By the time morning arrived, I was ready to deck him!  You see, what he hadn't realized is that his female cousin was not only walking with me but also with her 9 year old daughter, who incidentally had to stop many times along the way to look at a fallen log, to rest on a bench, to go wee-wee in the bushes, etc, etc.  So I nailed him with this fact and told him that I didn't care if he or anyone else did not want me along, I WAS GOING!!!  He assured me that he hadn't meant anything hurtful by it, blah, blah, blah...  Whatever. 

So we all went on the hike and I and my youngest girl fell back and just did a slow hike.  She had really bad blisters and was in quite a bit of pain so she only lasted about an hour and so we turned back and rested in the car while we waited for everybody else to come back.  I was really glad I had gone because it was absolutely beautiful up there.  And although I maybe didn't keep up with the pack, I still think I did fairly well.  For a fat woman!    Here's some more pics of the day:

 Well, the feelings that came from that encounter with Josh pretty much stayed with me during most of our time at Frontier Lodge.  I felt like someone who was holding everybody back.  I felt like all his cousins were looking down at me and thinking "what a tub of lard!  Why is she even here?"  I regretted going there all together.  I just didn't belong with all these skinny, ultra athletic german people!  What really burned me up was that my husband, who had been living the same lifestyle as me (overindulging in food and very little physical activity) and had gained lots of weight just like me, was able to do all the things everybody else could do with very little problem at all!  And I felt like he was looking down on me too!  And no matter how much he assured me that it wasn't true, I just couldn't shake that feeling.  It was pretty awful.  So much for nice, relaxing holiday! 

Well, anyway, the same evening as the Hoodoo Creek excursion, the next adventure took place.  Mountain biking on an "easy" trail.  OH FUN!!!  Well, this is one thing that I absolutely could not do.  It was just not even possible.  So I did stay back but at least I wasn't the only one.  One other person stayed back with me and the youngest kids who were too small for the mountain bikes.  But my hubby and girls went and let me tell you, this was no easy trail!  My oldest daughter ended up taking a bad spill over the handle bars!  Nice.  Thankfully, she landed in a bed of moss and was OK.  But Josh's cousin's wife,who is my dear friend, came back from that excursion and said they all were crazy.  She was quite upset that they were taken on such an adventure on the same day as a big hike and that it wasn't at all an easy trail.  I felt a little better that somebody else felt that way - and she's not even overweight like me - she works out every day and is a skinny little thing.  So after that I felt like it wasn't just me.  This was truly a crazy week.

The next day was more of a low-key day as most of the gear for the activities was being taken up by the summer campers.  So we did some more relaxing stuff, thank goodness.  I especially enjoyed canoeing on the lake and seeing my first bald eagle in the wild:

I also had a really nice, long walk with my friend and was able to let out my feelings about everything and that helped a bit too.  She is a very sweet, loving friend and I am thankful that she was there.  I knew that at least one person wasn't looking down at me.  I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been there.

More to come...

Lady in Red

My oldest baby has graduated from Grade 9.  That means she is going to high school in the fall.  That is just crazy!!!  I was just in high school last week!  Wasn't I?

I AM AN AUNTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother and SIL are adopting a little girl and so I am FINALLY an auntie!!!  I am extremely excited!  Introducing:

Aliyah

This pic was taken last year - here's a recent one:

And here's one of the happy family:

NOW I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO MEET HER! 

I'M JUMPIN OUTTA MY SKIN!!!

Howdy!

It's been a while again.  The last few months have been tough.  I think I have figured out that my depression is a seasonal thing.  I have really found a pattern.  It hits worst in February and then is bad for about 2 months and then I slowly start to feel better around end of April / beginning of May.  Now that it's June I am feeling almost normal.  This year it was not a mood problem but rather an energy / motivation issue.  I was really sluggish this time round.  I would go to work and then crash on the couch or go right up to bed on the worse days.  My hubby's had it rough.  He doesn't say so but I know it's been difficult at times.  I am just so glad I've made it through again.  About a month ago, I found out some bad news that my doctor, who had gone on leave, was not coming back to her practise.  I was so disappointed.  I just love this doctor and I have been through all of this with her and I just couldn't imagine starting all over again with somebody new.  I am still seeing the other doctor (the one that does the counseling) about once a week but will be going to twice a month starting later this month.  It's been a good experience and he has helped a lot but I still feel like a need a lot more help.  One very alarming thing I have noticed is that when I'm in my low times, I am very calm.  I guess I just don't have the energy to get worked up about stuff.  But now that I feel better, I find I'm starting to nag more and yell at the kids more and be very critical with Josh.  I've even yelled at the cat lately!    I wonder why that is.  The counseling is supposed to be helping that - the anger, etc.  Why is it that when I feel better, there's more anger?  Hmmmm...something to ponder on for a while.  So other than that, there hasn't been too much going on in my life.  My work changed the location of our office about 2 months ago.  We had to vacate the last place because the company we were borrowing the space from needed it - they were expanding.  It was quite a lesson in trusting God for His provision.  For the longest time it looked like nothing was out there for us - at least not in the price range that a charity can afford.  Then my boss found a place in a former school building and I hated it.  It made me feel so awful from the first time I walked into there.  I just had this total "NO!" reaction inside me.  My boss was so excited that he found something and then I had to tell him how I felt.  That was not an easy situation, let me tell you.  It caused quite a bit of tension.  I told him that I thought that God was telling me this is NOT the place and he said that God was telling him is WAS the place.  Such a quandry!  Well, our CEO in Romania basically had the final decision and he said if I felt uncomfortable with working there (I'm the only paid employee), then we were definitely not taking the space.  So that settled it but that made the tension so bad between my boss and me.  We usually get along well really well so this was unusual.  Then for the longest time, nothing came up and I was feeling worse and worse - even though I just knew we made the right decision.  But my boss is one of those "fix it NOW" types and it was really hard on him waiting and waiting.  Anyway, to make a long story longer, we put out the word and asked everyone to pray harder than ever and then voila!  All of a sudden, through one of the board members, we get an offer for an office space that was just miraculous!  It's 5 minutes from home (if the traffic's slow!), it is bigger than the old place, it's got adequate storage space (this is important because we get donations of goods as well as money), we got a super cheap deal on rent, and the good points go on.  What a great answer to prayer.  {Can't thank ya enough, Lord!} 

Well now!  First nothing for months and months and then blogger-diarrhea!  Well, I do have to quit soon but I absolutely HAVE to share one bit of amazing news!  My brother and sister in law have been wanting to adopt this little girl named Aaliya for about a year now and last week they were informed that they have (finally!) been selected to be her parents!  So that means I am officially going to be a TANTE!!!  Whooooohoooooo!!!  I'm very excited and can't wait to meet her in person.  I have to wait to get permission to post her pic from her parents and then if they allow it, I will post a pic soon.  She is just the sweetest little girl.  Seriously!

Ok, I'm done now!  Whew!  Congrats to all those who got through the whole post!

forward I got in my email - a good one

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago . They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding.

ALL BUT ONE !!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.

He was glad he did.

The 16-year-old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying,
tears running do wn her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket.

When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, 'Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?' She nodded through her tears.. He continued on with, 'I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly.'

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, 'Mister....' He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, 'Are you Jesus?'

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: 'Are you Jesus?' Do people mistake you for Jesus? That's our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.

You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.